WASHINGTON (Then You Will Know) – In a continued effort to combat negative press about President Trump, Natalie Harp, Trump’s faithful assistant who acts at his behest and is known as the “human printer” for printing out articles that mention him positively, has hired a former Olympian track athlete to get faster. Not faster at printing - Starlink WiFi already has that covered - but literally running to the President with printouts in hand. Whether Harp is running from the printer inside the White House or from her mobile printer while trailing the president’s golf cart on the golf course, her mission is to get him those articles as swiftly as possible to temper his mood swings. This is in addition to the ban of media outlets like MS Now, Politico, and CNN which will remain in place for the foreseeable future.
Harp’s current 100-meter sprint time is 21.86 seconds; her goal is to get into the high 10s which would put her in the elite running category. For reference, earlier this month, track and field star and USA Olympian Melissa Jefferson-Wooden came in first place with a time of 10.62 seconds. Harp believes she can get close to that time. “Everything I do is to serve President Trump,” she said in a statement. “Not only serve him but do it as efficiently as possible and I think getting on the track will help me do that.” Her coach plans to have Harp practice the 100-meter run while holding a printer and carrying the now-infamous duffel bag around her shoulder. A life-size cutout of the President will mark the end of the 100 meters for the sycophant.
Harp’s first session with the coach will take place on the South Lawn on Tuesday September 22nd.
*Photo by Zach Lucero on Unsplash